A few posts ago when I was writing about Feminism and Satanism, I said that both were more a state of being, something we are, rather than an ideology to which we conform. Recently, I’ve seen feminism referred to as a political movement and while this is true of liberal feminism, which has done some wonderful things for women in the past and which relies on political change through activism and lobbying, it is far less true of radical feminism.
As someone who has never been very political (haven’t voted in years because I don’t like to compromise my privacy, I’ve lived through actual ballot-box burnings (two of them) and I don’t see any point in voting for men and women who in no way represent me as a woman, a radical feminist, an atheist, a Satanist, etc.), I’ve never marched, never held up a sign, never participated in any of these kinds of activities that are traditionally associated with political activism.
Partly, this may be because I’ve never really had that opportunity. I’ve spent most of my life simply trying to survive, working impossible hours under impossible circumstances (of more male violence and persecution), and trying to navigate a labyrinth of male hostility and male violence. I spent years working and trying to get an education because I thought I might be able to get some respect that way and get a “real” job. It never happened – neither thing. (In fact, I only re-learned the lesson that professional life outside the strip clubs was more perverse, corrupt, and dangerous than on the inside.)
I even tried to escape all the violence once. I used to think that maybe I could out-run it, somehow. I thought maybe I’d find a place where male violence against women was, at least, not as bad. That is the reason I went to Western Europe, originally. But, there is no place that is free of such violence and such violence cannot be outrun. It is ubiquitous and it never runs out. There is always a bountiful supply of it.
I tend to think of the liberal feminists, many of them, the vocal ones anyway, as women who lead highly privileged lives, as ironic as that may seem. They are the women who have the luxury of talking about “consent” and “choice” and how we have to look out for the poor downtrodden menz of one class or another – Muslims, immigrants, trannies, fags, niggers, etc. They say that feminism is a movement of equality for all people. They are women who have had the luxury of caring about such things, while it seems all I’ve done is try to survive these same groups of people. Maybe they are the kind of women who don’t get hassled on subways, who don’t have to take a taxi somewhere when everyone else, including non-white, especially non-blonde women, can use public transportation or hoof it. And, maybe they have so much money that they’ve never had to care about such things – about spending that last $25 on cab fare that is needed to buy food or pay rent.
They have the luxury of complaining about how Barbie doll-looking women, so-called conforming women, are hogging all the male attention. Apparently, they’ve never had to run from abductors, or been pursued vigorously by pornographers. (I was so pursued that they sent a woman to befriend me for a week, to try to persuade me to sign a contract to do porn. I had two incidents like this and numerous warnings from other women about the dangers of being trafficked. I still haven’t been in the mood to blog about it all because it’s going to bring up a lot of things I’ve been trying to forget, and which I thought I would never talk about because it is regarded as “white woman’s privilege” and is taboo.) Really, when you are complaining because you are not being noticed by men or because the Band-aids they sell at the drug store don’t match your skin color, then you are living in a completely different world.
No wonder we are not talking about feminism the same way as the libfems are. These are people with a lot of relatively minor concerns – the same women who want us to “Shut the fuck up” and listen to them because they believe they are more important than us.
Radical feminism is something that comes from down deep. It’s not a “movement” or an “ideology” that we find, rather it seems to find us. It found me when I had finally reached the point where I was terrified to leave my house, not just for a couple of days at a time – which used to happen to me a lot due to harassment and constant stalking (including cop stalking) – but, the first time I didn’t go outside for a week. It happened after I was assaulted at a “regular job” – it was a sales job, at which my employer, also, ripped me off on my pay. It’s the same story I’ve always experienced at so-called “regular jobs.”
Some point after that, I tried to go out with a friend – a male friend. I knew I could never have relationships with men anymore, at that point. We had gone out to a restaurant and stayed ’til closing time, around 10 p.m. and when we left, there were literally cops everywhere. One ran right past me on the way back to the car and I was afraid he was coming to attack me. (I’ve been raped, strangled, beaten, held captive at gunpoint and barely survived the last attack – all by cops. So, the men I fear most are the police.) A blonde-haired woman walking in front of me, I noticed, also, tried to dodge him. I think she thought the same thing, that he was going to tackle her or something. I don’t know where he was going in a rush, but I couldn’t wait to get home and when I finally did, I had an absolute break-down. I remember crying hysterically and saying over and over, again, what I’ve said so many times since, “I never knew it was this bad.”
Truly, I never knew. I never could have conceived of so much evil and senseless violence. I always knew that something was wrong with males. I always hated them. They have always disgusted me. I have had to deal with all of that disgust, sort of push it aside, push it down, for years because I had to in order to navigate in the outside world, which is full of men and their nastiness, their filth, and their violence. It got to be a habit for a while, swimming in so much male filth.
But, at that point, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I could not even pretend to be what the rest of the world calls “normal.” In that world it is normal for men and women to have relationships, even if only business relationships.
I still tried to do business with men for a while after that, but that ended when I got a stalker. I had to close down my business. (Actually, I had acquired two stalkers -one of them was local, the scarier one was from out-of-state and was pretending to be a client. The local one went to jail for a while for stalking another woman.)
After that, I had to determine how to make a living without having contact with males. This is something that is now possible, thanks to modern technology. I only wish I had had this opportunity decades ago. I could have put myself out of reach of men and their violence and could have saved myself so much agony, ill-health, exhaustion, and wasted time and effort.
So, it is because of men and the nature of men that I am the way I am. I can be no other way. Separatism, however you can get it it is the only answer, if you want to survive.
Every minute you spend in men’s world, anytime their attention is on you for whatever reason, you are in danger. The best thing to do is to hide and, as I’ve said in previous posts, to prepare, in case, your efforts at maintaining your personal privacy fail.
When I hear so-called feminists complain about being plain or non-conforming or not getting enough male attention, I think they should be grateful for that. (This is what they call “white woman’s privilege” very often, so you’re not supposed to bring up what happens to “conforming” women – the sheer Hell of this life, because you will be told that blacks have it so much worse!) If you are a woman who feels invisible among men, then you are fortunate. The opposite end of that is to live your life in constant fear. Even now, as a middle aged woman, I take great efforts to protect my privacy because I have never had a time in my life since I was about 12-years old, that I haven’t dealt with the problem of male stalkers. My blonde-haired, blue-eyed mother had a stalker when I was about 5 or 6-years old, so I’ve really been dealing with stalkers surrounding my home for almost all my life.)
I do my best not to be seen. Literally, I run around in a big heavy, dark glasses and hats, year round, when I do have to go out. My experience is that it never stops – men never stop. The threat from men is never ending. I don’t let men around me at all and almost nobody knows anything, whatsoever, about my personal business. The reason for this is that, in my experience, people talk and “loose lips sink ships.”
I think, sometimes, that this is a terrible way to live. But, what are the other options? All other options are fraught with an intolerable level of danger. I have had such consistently horrific experiences around men that I cannot comfortably be in their company. This makes it difficult to make friends because most women are male-identified, in some way. They have their Nigels.
But, in fact, it is not so terrible, if you can pull it off. That is, if you can do it and not live in abject poverty. If you have a clear purpose in life, some personal goals, something of over-reaching importance that drives and sustains you, then you can do it.
You must realize too, that your life is your own. It is not for anyone else but you. You do not have to serve other people – you don’t have to serve a so-called movement, either. You can live your life and serve only as an example to other girls and women, how to live independently, free of men, in charge of your own surroundings, your own home, your own property, and be in charge of your own security.
So, when I read MRAs and other anti-feminists like this Pamela Geller (who thinks Evangelical, Nigel-wife-beater-defending, wacko Sarah Palin is a “real” feminist!), I mentioned in a recent post, who condemns Muslim violence against women out of one side of her mouth while condemning feminism out of the other side, talk about feminism being a “failed movement” or being a fake or that it is something that is going to go away, I know I am reading the words of both fools and enemies. As long as women and girls live, as long as we yearn for freedom from enslavement, for freedom from domination, for the freedom to pursue our greatest dreams, for the highest expression of our own humanity, there will always be feminism. There will always be Women’s Liberation. It’s the core of what we are and we cannot be anything else.